Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Rules

Here's the obligatory, introductory post. I am going on a hunger strike for Community. I will not eat until NBC returns Community to its Spring Schedule. T-minus seven days until it begins.

Unfortunately, I have to continue existing in the real world. I am a law student, after all, and so will need to function mentally at a reasonable level. As such I am doing this under supervision of a physician. Between my physician and the realities of law school, I have set the following rules for my mental and physical health. 

1. I can drink unlimited coffee. This is limited to coffee brewed at home and consumed in my Troy and Abed in the Morning mug. Artificial sweetener and non-dairy creamer are allowed. No cream, milk, or real sugar. No Peppermint Mochas.

2. Every other day I must have one blended protein shake with half a banana and flax seed oil. This also must be consumed in my Troy and Abed in the Morning mug.

3. I am limited to 20% loss of body weight, anymore could cause permanent damage. In the week I have left, I am hoping holiday leftovers will get me to the point that I can lose 25% of my body weight. This should could keep me going for about a month, maybe five weeks. Then again, if Community is not back on by mid-February, there isn't much reason to live is there?

4. I take gummy vitamins, those are allowed.

5. I am not allowed to have a pint of blood drawn each week and then dump it down the toilet every time NBC airs an episode of Whitney. No donating blood generally. 

6. If I have any job interviews, speeches, or class presentations (none of which are likely before mid-February), then I am allowed a previously described protein shake before hand.